Friendship breakups happen just like romantic relationships. People grow apart. We need to normalize ending friendships that aren’t healthy and that it is okay to do so.
Friendship breakups will happen throughout all of your life. Some will hurt more than others, but in the long term – it’s the right thing to do. Like romantic breakups, it can be messy, emotional and upsetting – but it’s important to do what is right for you in the situation, sounds selfish but self-care rule number one – looking after yourself first isn’t selfish.
Over the pandemic, I grew a lot closer to my friends as I understood what they were going through. We all did. But, that isn’t always the case.
I believe we all have “convenient” friends. The friends you see at the pub, or the friends you go to the gym with, you get the idea. Once you take away that common factor, sometimes the friendship fades.
And let me confirm, that is okay!
So, how do you get over a friendship breakup?
Give yourself some space
Set your own boundaries. If you need two weeks or four months of space, then do it! You set your boundaries. Do not let anyone tell you that you’re taking too long or that you need to move on. It’s different for every friendship.
You are in control of your boundaries.
Friendship breakups can hurt just as much, if not more, than romantic breakups. Ending a twenty-year friendship is difficult. Own it.
Grieving during a breakup is normal. Allow yourself to watch sappy movies and eat ice cream, Bridget Jones is my go-to movie.
Process what went wrong in the friendship
In some cases, friendships end due to a disagreement. The best thing to do after the disagreement is look back and process what went wrong. If the answer is that the disagreement was valid, stick to it. Own your opinions.
If you look back over the friendship and realise that you were the one in the wrong, use it as a life lesson. People mess up, it’s human nature. It’s not about how you mess up but how you come back from it.
Building life lessons are important in life as we can all be better. We can all improve our minds.
Remember that you still deserve friendships
It’s common to feel down, sad and even depressed after a friendship breakup. If it was your fault, you may feel like you don’t deserve friends.
Well, let’s get that out of your head ASAP.
It’s important to remember your self-worth. The loss of one, two or ten friends doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to make new ones.
Self-worth is a big one. If you’re feeling down and need some reminding of how much of a boss a*s bit*h you are, then check out my 101 powerful self-love and self-worth quotes. Quotes and affirmations are incredibly effective.
Using affirmations taught me that I don’t need validation from anyone else. I don’t need someone to tell me that I am amazing. I can do it myself.
Reach out to new people
It can be difficult making new friends in your 20s. Like how do people even make friends these days?
Let me break down how I’ve managed to make friends when I moved to a new country.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts that social media can be used for good. Meeting new people is one of those goods.
I used social media to meet a lot of my friends in Bali and it’s very effective, but of course scary. Reaching out coldly to a random person you know nothing about, other than a few photos on their page, is hard. Don’t worry if you aren’t ready yet.
You can start by following people that you would like to be friends with. You can then start liking their new posts, maybe even a comment if you’re feeling brave. I think the most effective way to start a conversation is to message them about a story or photo that you’ve seen on their page. It’s a connector and gets the conversation started.
Not everyone you meet is going to be your best friend, but that’s okay. You won’t know unless you try.
Networking with other people
People know people, and those people know more people. Expand your friendships by meeting your friend’s friends. I’ve met some of my best friends by meeting them through my other friends.
You never know when a person is going to come around and surprise you with their friendship.
Take the leap, as it’s so worth it.
Speaking to people when you’re out
I want to be clear and say I don’t just mean meeting people when you’re in a bar, although again this is how I met some of my friends.
You can literally do this anywhere.
If you’re in a coffee shop and see someone you would like to talk to. Go for it!
Of course, it does take a lot to walk up to someone randomly to start chatting, but it does get easier. Challenge yourself.
How to get over a friendship breakup
Friendship breakups are hard but own that sh*t. As we get older, our opinions, likes, dislikes and life plan changes. We move in different directions and sometimes float to others who are similar in our current state.
It’s natural to miss friendships that are no longer friendships, but the best advice I ever got for grieving is to cherish the moments you had instead of the ones you could have had.
What are some things that have helped you get over a friendship breakup?